dira: Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier (Default)
Dira Sudis ([personal profile] dira) wrote2016-03-19 07:07 pm


My mom called me at 6:30 this morning to tell me that my grandmother had died. And--despite having asked for (and gotten!) advice on Twitter several days ago on what the correct response to that sentence ("Grandma passed this morning.") is, I said "okay" exactly like I did five years ago when my grandfather died.

I did manage to quickly pivot to "I'm so sorry. How are you doing?" so good job me.

(Mom's okay. I'm okay. Grandma had been basically perfectly healthy and then a week and a half ago she abruptly wasn't, and here we are. She was less than two years younger than Steve Rogers--and came to 2016 the long way--so that's a pretty damn good run.)

There's actually going to be a funeral (my paternal grandparents did not have funerals, and also both died right before Christmas, which made their deaths weird non-events) so I'm flying home for a couple of days this week. I'll get to see everyone, and go through all the familiar forms, and properly mark the occasion of becoming entirely grandparentless. So I've got that going for me.

(Also: when my mother called, I was almost awake, because I had spent the night on [personal profile] iulia's couch in order to babysit for Young Miss Mentis for a few hours this morning while Iulia and B went to an early appointment. So after getting this news, I got to go upstairs and get a hug from Iulia and then cuddle, change, and feed The Happiest Baby In The World. Which is also something I've got going for me.

And now to eat Chinese food and read my current most comforting portrayal of determined, deliberate coping in Cap 2 fandom: This, You Protect.)
princessofgeeks: (Default)

[personal profile] princessofgeeks 2016-03-20 01:01 am (UTC)(link)
I'm sorry!
fox: my left eye.  "ceci n'est pas une fox." (Default)

[personal profile] fox 2016-03-20 01:07 am (UTC)(link)
siria: (tw - derek shoulders)

[personal profile] siria 2016-03-20 01:08 am (UTC)(link)
I'm very sorry for your loss.
kass: white cat; "kass" (Default)

[personal profile] kass 2016-03-20 01:10 am (UTC)(link)
I am sorry for your loss.

And, go you on the quick pivot. And yay for Happiest Baby in the World.
thingswithwings: dear teevee: I want to crawl inside you (a dude crawls inside a tv) (Default)

[personal profile] thingswithwings 2016-03-20 01:16 am (UTC)(link)
very sorry to hear it. <3
reginagiraffe: Stick figure of me with long wavy hair and giraffe on shirt. (Default)

[personal profile] reginagiraffe 2016-03-20 01:41 am (UTC)(link)
I'm so sorry for your loss. *hugs*
minoanmiss: A spiral detail from a Minoan fresco (Minoan Spiral)

[personal profile] minoanmiss 2016-03-20 01:47 am (UTC)(link)
*hugs you warmly* I'm thinking of you.
everbright: Eclipse of Saturn (Default)

[personal profile] everbright 2016-03-20 01:51 am (UTC)(link)
I'm sorry for your loss, but I hope the funeral provides a way to really say goodbye.

(Anonymous) 2016-03-20 02:04 am (UTC)(link)
*hugs* Condolences to you and your family!
petra: Barbara Gordon smiling knowingly (Default)

[personal profile] petra 2016-03-20 02:10 am (UTC)(link)
*hugs* I'm so sorry. Hang in there.
arsenicjade: (Default)

[personal profile] arsenicjade 2016-03-20 03:09 am (UTC)(link)
Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry to hear this. But, maybe this makes me a crazy person...I think "okay" is a pretty reasonable response. I've had it to a number of deaths in my lifetime. News of loss takes time to process, we're not immediately awesome in the face of it. So even if you are awesome at every other moment in your life--probable--this is completely understandable.
rabid_bookwyrm: Black and white illustration of an anthropomorphized margay cat (Default)

[personal profile] rabid_bookwyrm 2016-03-20 05:25 am (UTC)(link)
I don't think that's crazy. It definitely doesn't top "yeah, I thought that might be the case" which is what I said when the news came after several weeks of "still can't reach them" updates about a friend with really overwhelming cancer. I'm pretty sure I've also said "oh" at least once.

Death, especially expected death, is... not the worst that can happen. It sucks, but it's done, there's nothing you can do to change it. There's not a lot of urgency in death.
arsenicjade: (Default)

[personal profile] arsenicjade 2016-03-20 05:34 am (UTC)(link)

(Anonymous) 2016-03-20 03:28 am (UTC)(link)
I'm sorry!! I am glad you had hugs and happy babies to comfort you.

beatrice_otter: Me in red--face not shown (Default)

[personal profile] beatrice_otter 2016-03-20 03:32 am (UTC)(link)
I'm so sorry. I'll be flying home for my own grandma's funeral in a few days. Though in this case she'd been going downhill slowly for years, and it was just a waiting game. I dunno if that makes it better or worse. Either way, it sucks.
thebratqueen: Captain Marvel (Default)

[personal profile] thebratqueen 2016-03-20 04:13 am (UTC)(link)
sholio: sun on winter trees (Default)

[personal profile] sholio 2016-03-20 05:48 am (UTC)(link)
ratcreature: hugs ({{{hugs}}})

[personal profile] ratcreature 2016-03-20 07:27 am (UTC)(link)
I'm sorry for your loss. A death of old age without long illness and decline doesn't make you miss people any less, it's just better than the alternatives.

BTW I don't think saying "okay" as initial response is so bad. I don't even remember what people said when I called them with news of my father's death or what I said when my sister called about my mother's.
vass: A sepia-toned line-drawing of a man in naval uniform dancing a hornpipe, his crotch prominent (Default)

[personal profile] vass 2016-03-20 08:18 am (UTC)(link)
I'm sorry for your loss.
the_shoshanna: my boy kitty (Default)

[personal profile] the_shoshanna 2016-03-20 06:40 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm glad you have comfort fic and Mentises to hug.
gwyn: (bucky & steve alley purple)

[personal profile] gwyn 2016-03-20 07:55 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm so sorry for your loss, and honestly, think that okay is a pretty reasonable response. Go you for the pivot, though! Glad you have comfort fic and comfort friend and comfort baby.
riverlight: A rainbow and birds. (Default)

[personal profile] riverlight 2016-03-22 03:21 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. ::hugs::
starmaki: Vincent (Default)

[personal profile] starmaki 2016-04-02 07:31 pm (UTC)(link)
I just saw this. *hugs* I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you have comfort food, baby cuddles, and comfort fic to help.