Ridiculously long rambling version: ( Read more... )
Ridiculously long rambling version: ( Read more... )
It was definitely one of those moments where I was like "Um... you guys know I'm really an awkward, precocious teenager PRETENDING to be a competent adult in my mid-thirties, right? I don't think I'm actually old enough to make this decision. o.O"
But the Actual Grownup Professionals backed me up on that, so I got my (actual paper slip) prescription for Adderall and my psych referral and went on my way.
Actually getting the Adderall prescription FILLED was a little bit of an adventure--my insurance waffled a bit about covering it (before deciding not to) and in the meantime my pharmacy didn't fill it until I finally got someone on the phone and managed to be assertive enough to push past "maybe you should call back when the regular pharmacist is here" to say "no but seriously can you just fill it I will pay out of pocket HOW MUCH DOES IT COST."
And it turned out to cost about $37 (they gave me the generic, but that seems to be working okay) so... that was a lot more painless than some of the "oh shit how much does Adderall cost without insurance" searching I did led me to expect.
So then: woooo clinical-strength amphetamines! :D
The first day was kind of magical--I wrote almost 5000 words and did a load of laundry and, I don't know, some other pile of excellent accomplishments, all before I got sleepy and decided to take a nap at 2:30. I did feel a bit buzzy in a whoa-I-took-a-bunch-of-amphetamines way, but I did not get stuck playing Tetris or alphabetizing anything for long periods of time or lie awake all night, so: so far so good.
Since the first day it's been a bit less magic and more remembering that I actually also have to use all the little tricks I learned to manage myself (and being able to write fast does mean that I do the thing where I write headlong into a wall and get stuck, but I think I've gotten that figured out). But a lot of things feel easier, and my worst side effect seems to be a sore neck. I'm usually kind of a floppy ragdoll of a person, but amphetamines seem to be upping my level of muscle tension in a way that is so strange to me that I couldn't even identify it the first day--I was just like "what is this strange kinda burning sensation in my neck?" and then I leaned against an icepack for a while which, pro tip, is a terrible idea for muscle tension, so Day 2 on Adderall included going for a massage.
So anyway--brain meds! They do good things! WHO KNEW.
( Under the cut: a whole bunch of talking about that decision. )
Um, so, bullet point #2 for this post (the eponymous worse life choice, given how much I already have on my plate): I'm auctioning off a story at fandomaid! To keep it simple for myself, and up the odds of the winner actually receiving their story sometime this year, I've limited it to a Steve/Bucky story, but if you want one of those from me (uh, and if you want to outbid the person who's currently got me at $50) my thread is here!
1) Finally got told my car was totaled, two weeks after the accident, started making tentative plans to buy a new car, etc.
2) Interviewed for a promotion (basically more money to do the same job). It went well, I think? I came out of it only mildly sweat-soaked. Fingers crossed.
3) Got told my car is not totaled after all and instead will be in the shop until January 9. IN MICHIGAN. WHICH IS NOT THE STATE WHERE I LIVE.
4) Wrote less than 400 words, all not-very-interesting middle bits of my Yuletide story, which still has yet to cross the 1000 word threshold.
5) Forgot to bring pajama pants for my overnight stay at iulia's (less aggravating than forgetting my hairbrush, but still not ideal).
I AM SO FUCKING DONE WITH THIS WEEK.
But tomorrow I get to watch The Nutcracker and then Spy Game with suitably appreciative audiences for each, so things are looking up, right? And I don't have to buy a car! And I still have... a whole week to write that Yuletide story. And maybe also that treat that I spent the whole drive to iulia's happily contemplating when not trying to remember if I had packed my pajamas pants.
And iulia is terrible at surprises and waiting and so gave me my Christmas present Winter Soldier hoodie immediately. So no matter how bad things get at least now I have a zip-up mask to hide behind when they do.
And I started canon review for my Yuletide story and I'm really pretty sure my plan for this story is going to work! So! December is going SMASHINGLY.
(Except for, speaking of smashing, how I still don't know whether my car is totaled, twelve days after the accident, but, you know. I'll take what I can get.)
The story now stands at 103,524 words and... is not done. But I have reached the beginning of the end! And I figured out a thing so I was able to drop a whole sequence from the end, so I only have... five bullet points left! And three of those are probably a single monstrous continuous POV scene! I AM GOING TO FINISH THIS STORY AT SOME POINT. IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN. SOONISH.
Ahem. So! I won NaNo! And wrote 22,000 other words of fic on top of that! November was an unparalleled success!
I mean, okay, I also got into a car accident on Thanksgiving, on my way to my parents' house for dinner, which rather derailed my family's Thanksgiving plans, but no one was hurt, my insurance deductible fits on my credit card, and dinner was three hours late but not otherwise ruined. So that worked out a lot better than it could have.
Also I haven't started my Yuletide fic, or even canon review, yet, and holy shit it's December so there are less than three weeks left to deadline, but that's okay. I HAVE A PLAN.
So, uh, given the above I am unlikely to succeed at any kind of daily posting in December, but if you want to drop a question or post-prompt in the comments, feel free! Or just stop by and say hi--it's exciting to see so many new posts on my flist again! :D
The thing that actually kind of blows my mind about my Nanowrimo productivity is that, in addition to writing 30,000 words in 18 days for my Nano story... I've also written about 17,000 words of other fic in those same 18 days. So in case anyone was wondering how strong is my fixation on Bucky Barnes: strong enough to compel me to write a total of 47,000 words of fic in 18 days. THANKS, BUCKY. I reward you by... having two different trash fics in progress right now. But also a story where totally nice things happen to Bucky! Um. That one is progressing slower than most, but still.
I am also also somehow cultivating a bit of a... social life? In amidst all of this? Going places, meeting people. A bunch of it is Nanowrimo-focused write-ins, but some of it isn't, it's just me actually getting out and being social. I'm a little scared that I'm going to hit December, stop frantically juggling all of this, and just collapse and do nothing at all, but... even if I do, I'll have written lots of stuff and met lots of people! So. ONWARD!
*I somehow got distracted in mid-sentence and initially typed "happy" for "unclear," which is a typically optimistic Freudian slip from me.
So if anyone wanted to post happy thoughts or pretty pictures in the comments today, they would be vastly appreciated. ♥
Tiptoe Through Our Shiny City (5795 words) by Dira Sudis
Fandom: Generation Kill
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Brad Colbert/Nate Fick
Characters: Nate Fick, Brad Colbert
Additional Tags: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Homophobic Language
"If you don't let me come to Boston because the kids will think I'm your boyfriend then the kids who think I'm your boyfriend have already won."
(Don't tell ME you can't write DADT-era Marines as fake boyfriends, because I will FIND A WAY.)
Birds of a Feather (2091 words) by Dira Sudis
Fandom: Hollis Family Series - Michelle Magorian
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Ralph Hollis, Jessica Egerton-Smythe
Additional Tags: Family
Ralph shows his family to Jessica, and Jessica shows them to him in a way he hadn't seen them before.
(I think my recipient and I might be the only people on the internet who have read these books. ♥)
Bad Day (4520 words) by Dira Sudis
Fandom: What Maisie Knew (2012)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Lincoln (What Maisie Knew), Margo (What Maisie Knew), Maisie Beale
Additional Tags: Serious Injuries, Hurt Kid, Sad Kid, Family
Maisie, Margo, and Lincoln have a bad day, but they're all together at the end of it.
(I can never resist a chance to write more What Maisie Knew fic! :D)
I am the neat one.
I don't know what to do with this, and it is seriously fucking with my self-identity as basically lazy and sloppy about housework.
Also I'm gonna go buy a lot of magic erasers at some point in the not-too-distant future, because, seriously.
So now I am all moved to my new place--or at least, I have furniture and books and working wifi and a iulia here, so it is officially Home. I have to go back to the old place today and do all that "um, right, I'll get that later stuff," like cleaning and picking up all the rugs and emptying the fridge and so on. The movers were so quietly efficient that Iulia and I were taken somewhat by surprise when they were like "Okay, that's everything, let's go," so I may have left a few things behind that I didn't mean to, like... tools to reassemble the kitchen table properly once it was in my new kitchen. DETAILS.
New Roommate N absented herself almost immediately after we and the movers got there, though she turned up again in the evening and ate pizza with us, politely half-watching the football game that Iulia and I were VERY EXCITED about (Michigan vs. Notre Dame!) so, uh, first roommate impressions: probably a little mixed. But she doesn't seem to mind about the wall o' books I put in the spare room and her tiny row of DVDs fits neatly in the leftover space on my DVD shelf, so. So far so good.
1. Reading Blood of Tyrants. OH MY GOD I LOVE EVERYONE IN THIS BOOK. Especially people calling each other by their first names, OH MY GOD I LOVE THEM THE MOST. I have sixty pages to go DON'T SPOIL THE ENDING IN THE COMMENTS. YET.
2. Snyder's Butter Snap pretzels WHY HAVE I NOT BEEN EATING THESE ALL MY LIFE.
3. Singing along with If I Had a Rocket Launcher. Whatever's going wrong in your life, singing the line If I had a rocket launcher, some son of a bitch would die cannot help but be a satisfying answer, right?
4. Helping a kid who couldn't tell me his address, just the street he lived on and a nearby store, figure out the nearest library where he could get some Geronimo Stilton.
5. Realizing that, hell yes, the time has come: my niece is old enough for me to give her Baby Island and Misty of Chincoteague for her birthday!
Oh, and a generally good and useful thing that I just realized maybe everyone doesn't already know about: http://pinboard.in/popular/fandom is a great source for finding new fic in popular-ish fandoms--it's where I find pretty much all the Welcome to Night Vale fic I read, and obviously there's also a strong Teen Wolf presence, but anything that gets bookmarked by a handful of pinboard users in fandom will pop up there, so there's an array of fandoms represented. It updates once a day, which makes it a pleasant relief from the pace of tumblr and twitter. (Except that tag cloud to the right which seems to have no relation to the bookmarks on the page. I don't know when that thing updates.)
As soon as I go get some more boxes.
Anxiety level is at, "Oh, hm. Maybe I could get some writing done this weekend, too?"
But holy shit am I tired. Possibly I should have paced myself a little more.
I actually did get some writing done tonight--after more than a month, the stars finally aligned for a friend and I to do our supposed-to-be-weekly ritual of meeting up in a coffee shop to write. I was excited to see her and excited to go have coffee shop writing time, and then got there and realized that, oh, hey, maybe I should do some writing? I managed a total of about 300 words across two different stories, but it's the most I've written in a week and a half (which is AGES for me) so I'll take it!
And now: Candy Crush time! :D
Tonight I did 2 episodes of WTNV ("Valentine" and "The Traveler") worth of getting rid of stuff (it's like a 20/10 but Cecil talks to me the whole time and then I go play Candy Crush for a while), plus packing the one box I had available to pack. I wound up with a bit more than two trash bags full of stuff I feel varying levels of guilt about throwing away (I'm at the point in moving where I just give myself permission to throw stuff out rather than find some more mindful way to dispose of it), plus a disassembled IKEA bookcase and a VCR I bought with my very own paper route money in 1996 for the purpose of taping episodes of The X-Files. It's been a great 17 years, VCR, but I'm not moving you to yet another domicile where you'll sit on a closet shelf until it's time to move again.
Saying farewell also to a couple of pairs of shoes that appeared to have grown mold, and the bags the shoes were stored in. Farewell, Skechers platform Mary Janes I wore to college graduation in 2003. You will be missed, in sort of a philosophical sense, but you literally stayed in the bottom of the closet long enough to grow mold.
In related news, I feel vaguely itchy everywhere and I should probably just take some Claritin on general principle.
Anxiety level is now at the (yes, quite possibly deluded), "Huh, I think I've got a handle on this," stage.
Except actually there's a bunch of other stuff I want to say about my anxiety level. ( Cut tagged because. Anxiety. )
1. The washing machine (which was not working last night, as I discovered after I poured in the detergent) got fixed while I was at work! My clothes are in the dryer now and soon I will have my favorite work outfit all ready for wearing tomorrow.
2. A coworker gave me a ride to and from work, so I didn't have to wait for the bus in the godawful heat or play air-conditioning roulette once I got one. Plus, spotted awesome purple lightning crossing the sky on the way home!
3. Celery. Mmmm, celery.
4. Did not spend most of the day anxiously refreshing Facebook for information about my teenaged cousin, who got hit by a car Sunday night and spend most of yesterday in surgery. Word is that she had a good night last night. She's at a really excellent hospital. Have now mostly managed to stop feeling weird and bad for being unable to promise family members I'll pray for her.
5. Just betaed fic for someone I am very glad to be sharing another fandom with! ♥
I feel confident in claiming this identity not because I have the hard-earned t-shirts in my bottom drawer - one from a two-mile fun run, one from a 5K - nor because I have my eye on my next 5K (It's called Run With Wolfes, you guys), nor because I own actualfax running shoes and love them quite irrationally. I'm sure I can call myself a runner because I got out of bed on the Sunday of vividcon, got out of bed and ate a Clif bar and then went down to the fitness center and ran for fifty-two minutes on a treadmill.
On VividCon Sunday, you guys.
I've been noticing, lately, that I don't resist running--that I in fact resist having my running schedule disrupted. In July, while off in the wilds of West Michigan for a few days with my family, I got up and went out and ran on the dirt roads around the camp. Twice! I developed a standard route!
resonant's post about yoga made me think of this, partly because it echoes a lot of the ways I feel about running--mostly the wish that someone would have told me a lot sooner that I could do this, if I just went slowly and was patient with the process of getting stronger.
Part of it is different, though. I am a runner, but I'm still not at all sure that I actually like running. It's sort of, you know, boring. And repetitive. And physically unpleasant. I spent most of today's run staring at my watch, telling myself I could drop to a walk in just another minute if I really had to. I occasionally have moments of feeling like I've hit my stride, like everything has fallen into place and running is, for a stretch, easy. But I've rarely, if ever, experienced a runner's high. It's not really fun, although I keep hoping that it someday will be, when I'm stronger and faster and better.
But I'm a runner anyway: because neither of my parents made it to their sixty-second birthday without coronary bypass surgery; because it's good to do just one thing for an hour three times a week; because I have a perverse love for those post-run muscle twitches in my quads, like a car pinging as it cools; because I get to listen to podcasts and audio books. Because I want to keep getting better at it. Because I can.
2) Thanks to the above I have listened to the first 11 or 12 episodes of Welcome to Night Vale, and it's... odd. I mean, obviously the podcast itself is deliberately and performatively odd, but also my reaction to it. I will probably like it better if I go and read a lot of fic and get really invested in Cecil and Carlos, but on the strength of the thing itself it's just falling into the nonplussed area in my brain where absurd humor goes, because I keep trying to make it make sense, and it strenuously resists sense-making.
I mean, I can't build an interior model of Cecil. I can't see how his mind works, or how anyone's mind works in Night Vale. It doesn't make sense. It also doesn't have any embarrassment squick to it, unlike a lot of the humor that makes me cringe, so instead it just... baffles me, on whatever level. I keep listening to it like maybe this time I will understand. But probably what I should do is stop now and go read fic. Please feel free to tell me which fic I should go read.
3) Then I was seized by a fit of longing for Castle, which, not-coincidentally, I got hooked on while stuck home with the flu for most of a week. That's a good show and I like it and it makes me happy, you guys. The ladies have shiny hair and generally don't die! People are generally not revealed to have suffered mind-numbing levels of trauma for stupid reasons!
So then I started trying to figure out how to do a Teen Wolf Castle AU, and my brain locked up on which way to cast it: Stiles the goofy mystery writer and his grumpy detective muse Derek, or Derek the grumpy serious mystery writer and Stiles his (seemingly) happy-go-lucky muse. Either way, Allison is in Espo's place as the Army veteran sniper detective, which makes me incredibly happy.
4) So then I did the logical thing and finally started watching Elementary. THIS IS ALSO A GOOD SHOW WHICH MAKES ME HAPPY. I am three episodes in and ♥ ♥ ♥
But I do suspect that, like Castle, it's going to be a show where I get what I want from the show and I can just sit and watch it and feel happy because, look! Joan and Sherlock being Joan and Sherlock! Look at how much Jeff Davis is not in charge of this show! This pleases me. ♥
5) So yeah, last night's Teen Wolf. It was actually... pretty good? Like, a good episode of Teen Wolf, not breaking the curve or anything, but after the last several weeks that was really confusing and I'm not sure what to do with it. ( Some things I liked! )
So in conclusion they will probably ruin it all next week but right now I am actually feeling all warm and fuzzy toward my show. Oh show. You got me.
This week, apparently, it's Buffy. ( Anybody remember Wiseacress? Is she still around? )
Speaking of things I have been reading, now in the vein of things that other people might also want to read! OMG I totally suck and forgot to link you all to the awesome awesome tw_holidays story I got!
these inconvenient fireworks is gorgeous gorgoues Lydia/Jackson. I think I possibly asked for Lydia topping werewolf!Jackson into the ground, and that is definitely what I got. :D :D :D
Oh, and, update for people who were super helpful with advice about clearing clogged drains a few weeks ago: the Cobra Zip-It (linked mainly for the awesomely gross user-submitted photos) is fanatastic! No more scary Dran-o for me! :D I did a bunch of shopping last night, mostly for gifts but also a slightly-alarming dollar amount of clothing, and the thing I was really excited to come home and try out was the $3 drain-clearing piece of plastic, and it was WORTH ALL THE PENNIES.
1) Gotten U-Verse installed by a very punctual and efficient tech while her fellow tech hung out on my couch, lamenting how much he'll miss her when he has to move on to training someone else.
2) Canceled cable and returned all the cable paraphernalia to my cable company.
4) A smidge of canon review for an exchange story.
5) Drano'd the bathtub, resolved to really for real buy one of those little drain colander things to see if that will keep the hair clog buildup from becoming a menace every three to six months.
6) Continued to be entertained by the thing I posted on Tumblr last night.
6) Set up a twitter account: @dsudis
Needless to say, there has been absolutely no writing of any kind.