dira | Horrible Fanon Childhood Showdown, Round 1

Skip to Main Content

Entry tags:

your vote counts

Horrible Fanon Childhood Showdown, Round 1

I'm stopping collecting nominees and making the poll now because we have 42 entrants and that is, of course, an auspicious number. Even though it will probably make the math difficult at some future point.

Remember, we are looking for the worst FANON childhood here--no arguments from canon! In fact no arguments whatsoever: RADIO BUTTONS.

ETA: Poll is closed as of 11AM CST. Results will be tabulated and the next round will be up this afternoon!

Poll #1895 Whose fanon childhood was more miserable?

This poll is closed.
Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 168

View Respondents

Who has more fanon childhood misery?

Ryan Atwood (The OC)
55 (55.6%)

William Arthur Philip Bodie (The Professionals)
44 (44.4%)

Worse fanon childhood?

Tony DiNozzo (NCIS)
70 (57.4%)

Logan Echolls (Veronica Mars)
52 (42.6%)

More fanon ~manpain~ incurred before age eighteen?

Jim Ellison (The Sentinel)
58 (41.1%)

Benton Fraser (due South)
83 (58.9%)

Worse fanon childhood?

Seamus Harper (Andromeda)
38 (28.1%)

Xander Harris (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
97 (71.9%)

Who has more fanon childhood misery?

Horatio Hornblower
54 (51.4%)

Ken Hutchinson (Starsky & Hutch)
51 (48.6%)

More fanon ~manpain~ incurred before age eighteen?

Daniel Jackson (Stargate SG-1)
117 (78.0%)

Ianto Jones (Torchwood)
33 (22.0%)

Worse fanon childhood?

Archie Kennedy (Horatio Hornblower)
60 (51.7%)

Obi-Wan Kenobi (Star Wars)
56 (48.3%)

Who has more fanon childhood misery?

Jim Kirk (Star Trek (2009))
80 (54.8%)

Alex Krycek (The X-Files)
66 (45.2%)

More fanon ~manpain~ incurred before age eighteen?

Lex Luthor (Smallville)
90 (59.2%)

Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter)
62 (40.8%)

Worse fanon childhood?

Jess Mariano (Gilmore Girls)
33 (25.4%)

Rodney McKay (Stargate Atlantis)
97 (74.6%)

Who has more fanon childhood misery?

Methos (Highlander)
35 (25.5%)

Fox Mulder (The X-Files)
102 (74.5%)

Worse fanon childhood?

Tom Paris (Voyager)
64 (49.6%)

Parker (Leverage)
65 (50.4%)

More fanon ~manpain~ incurred before age eighteen?

Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
17 (11.0%)

Harry Potter
137 (89.0%)

Worse fanon childhood?

Ryan Ross (Panic at the Disco)
64 (51.6%)

Blair Sandburg (The Sentinel)
60 (48.4%)

Who has more fanon childhood misery?

John Sheppard (Stargate Atlantis)
34 (21.8%)

Severus Snape (Harry Potter)
122 (78.2%)

More fanon ~manpain~ incurred before age eighteen?

Han Solo (Star Wars)
47 (38.8%)

Eliot Spencer (Leverage)
74 (61.2%)

Worse fanon childhood?

Spike (vampire childhood) (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
70 (48.6%)

Spock (Star Trek (2009))
74 (51.4%)

Who has more fanon childhood misery?

Ezra Standish (Magnificent Seven)
45 (45.5%)

Nick Stokes (CSI)
54 (54.5%)

Worse fanon childhood?

Vin Tanner (Magnificent Seven)
47 (49.5%)

Brendon Urie (Panic! at the Disco)
48 (50.5%)

More fanon ~manpain~ incurred before age eighteen?

Ray Vecchio (due South)
11 (7.3%)

Dean Winchester (Supernatural)
139 (92.7%)

Who has more fanon childhood misery?

Sam Winchester (Supernatural)
78 (51.7%)

Wesley Wyndham-Price (Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel)
73 (48.3%)

In case the middle of the alphabet is causing you anxiety: I'm not eliminating characters from this round, so there will be some rematches. :)

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

HAN SOLO DOES NOT HAVE MANPAIN! HAN SOLO SCOFFS AT MANPAIN!

aw cripes, I don't know most of fanon for these characters. *frowny* I shall revisit the comments to see what I can gleam.

I've been amused that for some of the fandoms, I can just *guess* where they're going with fanon based on what I know of canon.

Heh. I had the same thought, only more incredulous, less defiant. (Han Solo?!)

...Brendon Urie? RLY?

SATD fics don't count.

Also, I've read LOTS in both Sentinel and due South, and Jim totes beats out Fraser. By a lot.

ONE OF THEM IS FEMALE? (And she has canon...)

Shesh we suck. Girls deserve fanonically terrible childhoods too!

I can't choose between Draco and Lex! Out of all your options, those two would have have shared my personal number one spot.

So the good news is that I'd at least read all the names in this poll before, but for some pairings here I totally had to guess at the extent of fanon childhood trauma based on what little I knew of canon.

Also: how could you make me choose between the manpain of Jim Ellison vs. Benton Fraser? It's hardly possible, and NOT FAIR! ;) THE FICTION SAYS THEY HAVE BOTH SUFFERED HORRIBLY, OKAY?

I'm really interested in how this will turn out.

But reading SATD fics about Brendon Urie's family beating him up and deserting him to live on the streets/in a one-room flat with no heat and no roof, where he has to support himself with prostitution, all while pretending to the rest of Panic that he's just fine, no rly! is one of my favorite ways to spend a morning! SATD should totally count.

By the time someone nominated Parker I was DELIGHTED that we were going to have ANY women. Girls do deserve terrible fanon childhoods! We need to get on that.

IDK, I somehow keep getting the fics where ryro is horribly abused and addicated to drugs and is suicidal (and spencer has eating disorders) and bden saves him.

and then they have rly awkward sex.

Dude, Jim Ellison and Benton Fraser?! Why not just throw Wolverine into the mix AND THEY CAN ALL CRY TOGETHER.

Right On! ::fist pumps::

loling. loling forever.

I KNOW. SO HARD TO CHOOSE. I finally went with Draco on the grounds that he has a more enormous fandom to give him more ~mainpain~

(I like that ~manpain~ comes with little ascii jazz-hands.)

Ever since the flowchart came out, I can't spell it any other way. :)

best. comment. ever.

But Ryan Ross and Blair Sandburg pretty much have equally shitty fanon childhoods, with just as much abuse and neglect! How can I choose?

I think there may be a tie-breaker coming in that particular race... :)

AGREE. I went with Draco, only because he can be magically tortured by his dad, as well as emotionally and physically tortured. Plus because of those stories about Lucius's cane. But Lex is a real contender!

*snort* Honey, even the GOOD fic veers into OTT territory with Brendon's teenage years. He lives in an apartment building with crack whores! ON LESS THAN A PACKAGE OF RAMAN A DAY! And it is ALWAYS because his parents kick him out, not because he is stubborn and leaves. AND HE NEVER HAS ANY FRIENDS! EVER! His bandmates are the first people EVER to befriend him! Srsly, I am shocked as HELL that I haven't run across any seekrit cutter stories yet. I think that is probably because I DON'T read SATD, but I SHUDDER to think on what I would find there. (SATD TOTES counts btw. Summarily wishing entire groups out of fandom is actually creepier than their characterization is. *g*)

Although I will agree that Ryan Ross's faux childhood angst is probably a MILLION times worse. And I am SO glad to have been reading the wrong (right?) Due South fic, because I don't know of ANY that feature Vecchio's horrid backstory that is worse than canon. And I don't think I want to! DDDD:

I'm kinda tempted to make an icon... oh hell, why not! In case it doesn't come through, the text reads: "Parker's Manpain is Bigger Than Yours"

created with

lechatron's El Jay icon maker: http://co.ntagio.us/eljay/iconmaker/

oh my lord BEAUTIFUL.

Parker's ~MANPAIN~ is the FINEST ~MANPAIN~.

IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT'S TRUE!

::laughs:: Yay!

That's because all the secret cutter fics star Ryro. (And I've seen 2 w/spencer)

Fine. Even if SATD counts, Bden doesn't have anywhere NEAR as bad of a time as RyRo.

I've read ONE fic w/Vecchio having an absolutely horrid worse then Canon childhood.

(Honestly, I've read a lot of RayK was horribly!abused fic, so if it's anyone in dS, it's RayK).

ALSO, I feel this urge to point out that Draco's manpain depends on if it's before or after DH. Before, he's tied w/Harry for horrid abuse. After, it's not nearly as bad.

Ah, well. It's sort of an overall average, I suppose. :)

Some of those were hard. Jim Kirk vs Alex Krycek? Oh my god.

I blame the alphabet! Lex Luthor vs. Draco Malfoy was also a tough matchup, and I'm still not sure which way Ryan Ross vs. Blair Sandburg is going to work out. :)

Yeah, Lex Luthor and Draco Malfoy made me cry.

But Lionel Luthor can torture with ~science~! And Lex's childhood was so traumatic it made him go bald.

Hey - cool poll! Although it's actually William Andrew Philip Bodie *g*

What made the choice so hard for me was that while Draco has a bigger fandom, and therefore a larger quantity of manpain, I have a hard time even thinking of a single fic where Lex wasn't at least a little emotionally abused by his father, while I have read a few fics where the worst thing the Malfoys did to Draco was spoil the hell out of him. So I think Lex has the higher percentage of ~manpain~.

I'm going to have to find out more about this Parker character if fandom thinks she had as bad a childhood as fanon Tom Paris, who was regularly abused by his father and ended up being responsible for the death of a couple of people and got gangraped in prison. Although I don't know if I could read that much abuse with a woman as the victim.

late to the party, but i'm kinda surprised no one nominated Jared from the Pretender... otoh, i don't actually remember reading pretender fics, so i don't know if they explored his childhood and manpain issues so much.

-bs

Yeah, I got excessively regal with him there--I'll fix that in future rounds. :)

It's tough figuring out the fanon for small fandoms, so that left out some characters who maybe should have been included.

The gender politics of the whole thing are slightly brain-hurting. But I am kind of excited to see Parker winning her race. :)

You can't write a Lex without an abusive Lionel! Nice Lionel is... is... is.... *brain breaks*

Only because almost everyone in fandom thinks Kowalski is so sexy and hot and thinks RayV is ugly, so they'd rather see the "cute" one suffer. Fandom is stupid! I hate the abused Kowalski fics because they're so against canon and bash Mr. and Mrs. Kowalski. I don't get that at all!

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only