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Amphetamines: Day 8
So I never updated you guys about the talking-to-my-doctor-about-Adderall saga! The actual talking-to-my-doctor, followed by talking-to-the-guy-at-my-employer's-Employee-Assistance-Program the same afternoon, was weirdly anticlimactic. Both my doctor, when I asked for Adderall, and my EAP guy, when I asked for a referral to an ADD counselor, basically said, "Well, sounds like you know what you're talking about, so okay! Let's get you the thing!"
It was definitely one of those moments where I was like "Um... you guys know I'm really an awkward, precocious teenager PRETENDING to be a competent adult in my mid-thirties, right? I don't think I'm actually old enough to make this decision. o.O"
But the Actual Grownup Professionals backed me up on that, so I got my (actual paper slip) prescription for Adderall and my psych referral and went on my way.
Actually getting the Adderall prescription FILLED was a little bit of an adventure--my insurance waffled a bit about covering it (before deciding not to) and in the meantime my pharmacy didn't fill it until I finally got someone on the phone and managed to be assertive enough to push past "maybe you should call back when the regular pharmacist is here" to say "no but seriously can you just fill it I will pay out of pocket HOW MUCH DOES IT COST."
And it turned out to cost about $37 (they gave me the generic, but that seems to be working okay) so... that was a lot more painless than some of the "oh shit how much does Adderall cost without insurance" searching I did led me to expect.
So then: woooo clinical-strength amphetamines! :D
The first day was kind of magical--I wrote almost 5000 words and did a load of laundry and, I don't know, some other pile of excellent accomplishments, all before I got sleepy and decided to take a nap at 2:30. I did feel a bit buzzy in a whoa-I-took-a-bunch-of-amphetamines way, but I did not get stuck playing Tetris or alphabetizing anything for long periods of time or lie awake all night, so: so far so good.
Since the first day it's been a bit less magic and more remembering that I actually also have to use all the little tricks I learned to manage myself (and being able to write fast does mean that I do the thing where I write headlong into a wall and get stuck, but I think I've gotten that figured out). But a lot of things feel easier, and my worst side effect seems to be a sore neck. I'm usually kind of a floppy ragdoll of a person, but amphetamines seem to be upping my level of muscle tension in a way that is so strange to me that I couldn't even identify it the first day--I was just like "what is this strange kinda burning sensation in my neck?" and then I leaned against an icepack for a while which, pro tip, is a terrible idea for muscle tension, so Day 2 on Adderall included going for a massage.
So anyway--brain meds! They do good things! WHO KNEW.
It was definitely one of those moments where I was like "Um... you guys know I'm really an awkward, precocious teenager PRETENDING to be a competent adult in my mid-thirties, right? I don't think I'm actually old enough to make this decision. o.O"
But the Actual Grownup Professionals backed me up on that, so I got my (actual paper slip) prescription for Adderall and my psych referral and went on my way.
Actually getting the Adderall prescription FILLED was a little bit of an adventure--my insurance waffled a bit about covering it (before deciding not to) and in the meantime my pharmacy didn't fill it until I finally got someone on the phone and managed to be assertive enough to push past "maybe you should call back when the regular pharmacist is here" to say "no but seriously can you just fill it I will pay out of pocket HOW MUCH DOES IT COST."
And it turned out to cost about $37 (they gave me the generic, but that seems to be working okay) so... that was a lot more painless than some of the "oh shit how much does Adderall cost without insurance" searching I did led me to expect.
So then: woooo clinical-strength amphetamines! :D
The first day was kind of magical--I wrote almost 5000 words and did a load of laundry and, I don't know, some other pile of excellent accomplishments, all before I got sleepy and decided to take a nap at 2:30. I did feel a bit buzzy in a whoa-I-took-a-bunch-of-amphetamines way, but I did not get stuck playing Tetris or alphabetizing anything for long periods of time or lie awake all night, so: so far so good.
Since the first day it's been a bit less magic and more remembering that I actually also have to use all the little tricks I learned to manage myself (and being able to write fast does mean that I do the thing where I write headlong into a wall and get stuck, but I think I've gotten that figured out). But a lot of things feel easier, and my worst side effect seems to be a sore neck. I'm usually kind of a floppy ragdoll of a person, but amphetamines seem to be upping my level of muscle tension in a way that is so strange to me that I couldn't even identify it the first day--I was just like "what is this strange kinda burning sensation in my neck?" and then I leaned against an icepack for a while which, pro tip, is a terrible idea for muscle tension, so Day 2 on Adderall included going for a massage.
So anyway--brain meds! They do good things! WHO KNEW.
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I think that pretending-to-be-an-adult feeling is, for good or ill, what adulthood consists of these days. I'm quite sure that it's a consequence of the cultural changes in the wake of the "young forever" (in their own minds) baby boomers, but I do not know if it actually includes their generation or is found only in the subsequent generations that came up in the shadow of the baby boomers. Where is there a real adult (or a convincing faker) who can tell me???
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and then I leaned against an icepack for a while which, pro tip, is a terrible idea for muscle tension
Oops, yeah, heat is much better for muscle tension! Wet heat is even better - it's pretty easy to heat up a wet (wrung-out) towel in the microwave and drape it over your tense area; just check it again the inside of your wrist so you don't burn yourself.
You might check if you're drinking enough water, as well - I used to get constant low-grade tension headaches that went away once I upped my water intake, and most Americans are mildly dehydrated. That plus whatever metabolic changes from the amphetamines could be contributing. A decent rule of thumb is [your weight in lbs] / 2 = [oz of water you should drink per day]
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<3 !!!!
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::more hugs for your rough week::
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(Having the little nudge of "oh my god I AM LOSING MONEY WHEN I CAN'T MAKE MYSELF WRITE" may have been... more helpful than I wish it was, in getting me to actually do something about this. *g*)
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