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So it's... Saturday? ish?
I'm really disoriented right now - home from work at 12:30 instead of 6, so I've got hours and hours of free (and awake!) time ahead of me, which means...
I'm in aisle 9, re-counting the scrapbooking section - hand-counting 120 sheets of scrapbook paper, discovering the the inventory people can't count to two or understand that the 'Time to Reorder' sign, despite having a barcode, is not actually an item - when I hear...
JOEL (Manager, have a crush on him, geek in denial): Well, not like woohoo, like, skiing is fun.
ERIC (Supervisor, geek): But do you ever read for enjoyment?
JOEL: Well, porn.
Back in aisle 10...
OTHER GUY: Maxim?
JOEL: No, the hard core stuff. Well, whatever I can get my hands on.
ME: (hands on? no, not saying anything...)
JOEL: But, Eric, you had a question, what was your question?
ERIC: I think we've established you don't want to answer.
JOEL: No, no I want to answer.
ERIC: ...
JOEL: C'mon, shoot.
ME and MARY (Sweet innocent Catholic girl): gales of laughter
JOEL: Why are you laughing? What, we went from 'porn' to 'shoot'?
ME: Yeah, Joel, yeah you did. (More laughter)
(Later) Eric walks down my aisle.
ERIC: Were you in on the giggling?
ME: Yeah.
ERIC: I just want you to know I feel dirty now that you've thought about me and Joel that way.
ME: I don't visualize, man. It was just the, uh, wordplay. Swear.
ERIC: Oh, that's better, then.
Which is to say, okay. Inventory's not so bad after all, as long as I've changed jobs by next year and never ever have to do it again.
I'm in aisle 9, re-counting the scrapbooking section - hand-counting 120 sheets of scrapbook paper, discovering the the inventory people can't count to two or understand that the 'Time to Reorder' sign, despite having a barcode, is not actually an item - when I hear...
JOEL (Manager, have a crush on him, geek in denial): Well, not like woohoo, like, skiing is fun.
ERIC (Supervisor, geek): But do you ever read for enjoyment?
JOEL: Well, porn.
Flashback to yesterday at work; I'm sitting at the top of a ladder, labeling things, while Joel sorts through the software rack.
JOEL: Mary Kate and Ashley's Dance Party of the Century. ... I'm just waiting for them to do porn.
ME: ... Yeah, Mary Kate and Ashley on the cover of Playboy.
JOEL: No, no, like, hard core. They'd make a killing.
ME: I don't think anybody makes a killing in hard core porn.
JOEL: Oh yeah they do.
ME: Well, somebody does, but not the actors.
JOEL: Well, no, especially not the guys.
ME: Yeah, they're nasty looking. (Do not mention that the guys in gay porn are an exception.)
JOEL: How do you know that?
ME: Um, because I've seen some porn. Eighteenth birthday. It was weird, though.
JOEL: Well, yeah, you weren't watching it for, y'know--
ME: Yeah, and chicks are more verbally oriented anyway. That's why women have romance novels where men have porn.
JOEL: Really?
ME: Well, not to say that there aren't--(realize who I'm talking to and what I'm saying)--I'm going to stop now.
Back in aisle 10...
OTHER GUY: Maxim?
JOEL: No, the hard core stuff. Well, whatever I can get my hands on.
ME: (hands on? no, not saying anything...)
JOEL: But, Eric, you had a question, what was your question?
ERIC: I think we've established you don't want to answer.
JOEL: No, no I want to answer.
ERIC: ...
JOEL: C'mon, shoot.
ME and MARY (Sweet innocent Catholic girl): gales of laughter
JOEL: Why are you laughing? What, we went from 'porn' to 'shoot'?
ME: Yeah, Joel, yeah you did. (More laughter)
(Later) Eric walks down my aisle.
ERIC: Were you in on the giggling?
ME: Yeah.
ERIC: I just want you to know I feel dirty now that you've thought about me and Joel that way.
ME: I don't visualize, man. It was just the, uh, wordplay. Swear.
ERIC: Oh, that's better, then.
Which is to say, okay. Inventory's not so bad after all, as long as I've changed jobs by next year and never ever have to do it again.