Why I drink Diet Coke instead of Pepsi:

Apparently, mold will not grow in a half-full can of Diet Coke, unlike the similarly half-full cans of Pepsi that decorated my dorm room back in the day. I guess it's the Aspartame, right? No real sugar = no life-sustaining nutrients for mold to grow on. The simultaneous failure of mold to grow in the Mountain Dew suggests that either a) environmental factors are at least partly responsible for the absence of mold, or b) Yellow Dye #5 really is as inimical to the propagation of life as teenaged boys seem to believe.

Uh. Not that anyone coming over to my place today should take this to mean that I had any reason to suspect that there was mold growing in my kitchen. At all. Really.

*goes back to cleaning*