dira: Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier (Default)
So, it's Supreme Court Affirmative Action Ruling day here in Ann Arbor - had to navigate around five different news trucks to get to work this morning at the library. Apparently results are mixed, and I am just. Keeping my mouth shut.

Eight days of work left - my last day at this job is the 3rd of July. Then, the road trip, and then: unemployment! wheeeeee!
dira: Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier (Default)
1. Called David's Bridal again: they have my shoes, and once I persuade them that yes, I really do know what color I want them dyed, I can pick them up by the 10th, a whole week before the wedding! Not dead after all!

2. Got my Geology grade - an A-, which means I really did graduate *and* almost certainly didn't screw up my GPA to a noticeable extent this semester!

3. "Tea and Biscuits" by [livejournal.com profile] wesleysgirl and [livejournal.com profile] byrne (neither of whom, I hear, is the same person as [livejournal.com profile] zortified, but that might just be a vicious rumor). Mmmmm. Read the first part during my graduation on Saturday, having downloaded it onto my best friend's palm pilot (take *that* boring speakers! I'm ignoring you to read *porn*! so *very* emblematic of the last year of my college experience...) and the rest of the first arc today. And. Mmmmm. Big, big thanks to [livejournal.com profile] phaelstya for the rec, you made my week.

4. I get to keep working at my fun job until the end of the week, so crushing poverty shouldn't set in until mid-May at least.

5. I told my boss about my plan to circumnavigate the Mitten and she (and her mom, who called while we were discussing the charms of Sault Ste. Marie) thinks it sounds great. So far everyone I've told about it thinks it sounds great (or at least mostly harmless), and the more people I tell the more likely I am to do it, so...

I think I'm going on a road trip this summer - specifically, mid-July. I blame Dar Williams (saw her do "Road Buddy" and "Iowa" in concert last week and have been wanting to just get in the car and keep going ever since) and Due South (so I'm thinking "I want to go to Chicago" and "I want to go to Canada"...). Start out driving from here to Chicago, then up the west coast of Lake Michigan through Green Bay, round into the Upper Peninsula to the Sault, and then cross over into Ontario and come down the east coast of Lake Huron (er... Georgian Bay?), probably crossing down to Niagara Falls so I can hit all five Great Lakes, and then back home. It's something like a thousand miles. I can stay in youth hostels in Chicago, Sault Ste. Marie, Barrie, and Niagara Falls. I think I can do this. I know I want to.
dira: Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier (Default)
All done, bye bye.

Took my final final today. I don't even have to have passed it to graduate, just to avoid personal embarrassment. I'm done. That's it.

Also, my shoes *rock*.
dira: Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier (Default)
Okay. I need to stop buying things when I'm feeling antsy, because I don't actually have any money, and I'm feeling antsy a lot. It's likely to get worse before it gets better, with summer coming on and my attention span scheduled to take its annual nosedive, maybe in a big big way - I'm going to be out of school for 16 months. The first time I was out for *four* months straight I nearly went crazy. Please, God, please don't let my brain turn to snot.

OTOH: I now own platform maryjanes with a 3.5 inch heel! Whee! Need to buy some liquid eyeliner (don't actually understand the mechanics of liquid eyeliner, but it sounds like fun, and I *want* it, and, unlike cigarettes, no one is going to argue with me about buying and using) and then I might just be able to pass myself off as a proper girl. Just in time for getting my picture taken ~7000 times on Saturday, at graduation.

And the hypnosis story may be sucking my will to live, but I'm writing it anyway, one miserable sentence at a time, and I think I've only got two to four thousand words left to go. Hopefully this won't be as wretched to read as it is to write - it'll go by faster for other people, at least.

And did I mention: maryjanes! 3.5 inch heel! in love with my new shoes! getting dolled up tomorrow just to practice wearing them!
dira: Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier (Default)
Let's not think about today's final exam: in a maximum of six hours, it'll be all over, and I'll never have to think about it again.

Let's focus on the important stuff: I'm going to my very first Dar Williams show tonight, and I don't know what to wear!
dira: Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier (Default)
If I get a zero on tomorrow's weather final, I don't think I can do better than a 55 in the class. Which is a failing grade, which would just be embarrassing. Alternately, if I get a 66%, I'd get a 75 in the class, roughly, and I'm pretty sure that's good for some kind of C. By the same math, the absolute best I can do is 85, and that would be B-ish, which would just blow me away.

So. Gotta study. Really.
dira: Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier (Default)
::happy dance::

Classes are over! Geology is all over (and I think I didn't fail the fourth exam, go me)! Two exams left and then college is over, aside from that little dress-up show down at the stadium...

And then it's just graduation presents between me and starvation, if I don't nail down a job soon. Hm. Could be a problem.

On the bright side: way more time to write!
Too bad I'm so scattershot with the excitement of it that I can't remember what it is I'm supposed to be writing...
dira: Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier (Default)
A bad thing: listening to the beginning of the third overtime on the radio, headed home, and hearing Paul God Damn Kariya scoring the sudden-death game-winner for Anaheim. Though I'm wearing the requisite Red Wings apparel, I chose to go to my stupid RPG session instead of staying home, hanging on every play, and lighting the official and moderately sacreligious Playoff Candle, so in psycho superstitious fan terms, this is All My Fault.

A worse thing: Arriving home to my three irritating roommates, their drunken irritating friends, arguing about goaltenders when tonight's game, the first of the playoffs, is also the first they've watched SINCE LAST SEASON'S PLAYOFFS. Playing "Freebird" so loud we could hear it from the parking lot, nevermind my bedroom with the door closed.

Interestingly, my zero-eye-contact you're-not-here-if-I-don't-acknowledge-you trip to the kitchen to get a glass of water and a pint of ice cream seems to have been directly linked to the stereo being shut off, so now it's just inebriated arguing and the Vancouver game to deal with.

Hate them. Hate them LOTS.


Apr. 8th, 2003 10:22 am
dira: Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier (Default)
Paper is printing right now. It's complete crap, and about 50 words short, and I'm debating whether I should take a quick nap before going to class to turn it in (I'm thinking, yes, definitely). I can fill out the job application (O! The Job Application!) when I get home, possibly after another nap.

Music: Counting Crows - Amy Hit the Atmosphere (my personal theme song of catastrophic underachievement in paper-writing, ever since second semester freshman year, when I spent a month convinced that I had, essentially, lost a scholarship for want of a little more effort on my Dante paper...)
dira: Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier (Default)
So I'm writing the Last Paper of My Undergraduate Career. It's due in 4 1/2 hours, and I have 124 of 1000 words written - an intro paragraph. And now I'm just feeling sleepy and vaguely worried that I don't have 876 words to say about Usama ibn Munqidh and William of Rubruck, which is just silly, because there have to be lots of things to say. It would help if I'd had even four complete hours of sleep, but, no, I suck.
dira: Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier (Default)
If anyone has any thoughts they'd like to share on what the weather will be tomorrow in Austin, TX, and why they think so, I'd be delighted to hear it.
dira: Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier (Default)
I have two exams tomorrow, in 11.5 and 12.5 hours. My lecture attendance has been haphazard at best, and I haven't really kept up on the homework (in the case of my Weather class, I haven't even done the ones we're supposed to turn in, but let's not get into that...). So, long story short, I have lots of studying to do. Have to stop reading slash and start reading Geology. Right. Off to the library. Sit down in the quiet Reading Room, with my illicit junk food and my books, and bury my nose in my Weather textbook.

Thirty seconds later, I'm staring at the wall, thinking about RayK. Or my hair. Or that Lucy Hale story that I really ought to reread. Or my jobs. Or anything at all that isn't the studying I need to be doing.

At this point, I'm thinking I need a tin foil hat. Or Ritalin. Probably Ritalin.

On the bright side, the clock at the library was off by an hour, so I can do a whole nother hour of studying before I knock off to get five hours of sleep and then get up to do the really frantic morning-of cramming. And I think that, at age 21, in my eighth semester of college, I may have figured out an effective way to learn science facts. Go me. Sort of. Y'know.


Mar. 15th, 2003 01:03 am
dira: Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier (Default)
[This is me, not talking about the evil, evil Spike/RayK bunny that is going to singlehandedly cause me to flunk out 2 credits short of graduation AND prevent me from ever finishing the Counting the Days sequel...]

So I've been adding country songs from my rather eclectic mp3 collection into my playlist, and... what is it about country songs? I mean, the man says,

I'd be better off in a pine box
On a slow train back to Georgia
Or in the grey walls of a prison, doing time,
I think I'd rather die and go to hell and face the devil
Than to lie here with you and him together on my mind.

Which is your basic jealous murder/suicide fantasy in a nutshell. But it's a country song, so it just sounds innocently maudlin. Weird.
dira: Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier (Default)
Bad student, bad person, blah blah blah, you get the idea. Today I skipped class because I want to just sit here and kick the fic I'm writing until it stops being so horrible that it sucks my will to live. So there.

Or to paraphrase my cool brother: I'm a senior, I got slash, I ain't never gonna die.


Mar. 11th, 2003 06:25 am
dira: Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier (Default)
6:30 in the morning, and all of a sudden the sky outside my window is cornflower blue, and I am on the last body paragraph, rabbiting on about how they really shouldn't be having so much sex if they think bodies are evil, and I am crashing hard, and really looking forward to an Egg McMuffin and about nine cans of Diet Coke to get me through the next twelve hours, when it will be okay to crash for real, with the sleeping.
dira: Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier (Default)
Five in the morning. 250 words down, 750 words to go. Have chosen to run with the analogy between Cistercians and Cathars, because, y'know, if I'm gonna be wrong, I might as well be wrong in a big fun splashy way. And I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get a B+ no matter what I do. I mean, maximum. I could always do worse.

So. 750 words to go.

Gah! Gender! Gender! From empowering to exploiting women in 100 years! Yes!


Mar. 11th, 2003 04:00 am
dira: Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier (Default)
It's four in the morning. The paper is due at 11:30. So far I've written the title page. My brain is talking to me in what I suspect is Ray Kowalski's POV. I'm stuck trying to remember the word for renouncing a heretical faith (there's a special word, not renounce or denounce or capitulate or apostasize, there's a word...). I'm pretty sure I'm not going to sleep at all tonight - plotting a 7am run to the McDonald's for an Egg McMuffin, wondering if I can work in some of the Geology reading that I'm going to be way too much of a zombie to do after I get off work at six. The last time I did this, an honest-to-God zero-sleep all-nighter, was in August, the night before we moved my little brother into his dorm. That time the obsessive task of the overnight hours was cleaning out his room, formerly my room. Tonight I need to write a paper on the bloody Albigensians and their bloody heresy and the bloody inquisitorial records, based on a stupid inane topic question.

And the thing is? Still better than last semester. Hands down.

ETA: recant!

Sleep debt

Mar. 6th, 2003 08:57 pm
dira: Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier (Default)
I think I may have gotten almost 7 hours of sleep last night. Need to get more sleep. Aiming for lights out by eleven tonight, because the sleep deprivation thing is getting ridiculous. I was dozing today in my history lecture - favorite class, adore the professor, etc. I mean, sure, the 13th Century invention of double-entry bookkeeping isn't the most fascinating aspect of the middle ages, except for a few very special people, but. Shouldn't be falling asleep in that class. Worse, even when I was awake I couldn't seem to take notes properly - staring stupidly at the professor, trying to synthesize a line, then scrambling to catch up because he's already on to something else. So. Sleep deprivation = bad.

Happily, I think my fit of total loathing for the story I'm working on may be on the downhill side now - I've figured out what I need to trash, and what I need to add, and which pov needs to be rewritten, in order to make it work, or at least come closer to working. Resolutely ignoring the fact that I'm a third of the way in and still dealing with what was supposed to be, like, a scene.

And in the world of things that actually happen in the actual world, I went out for dinner after work, to the Chinese restaurant a couple of blocks away. I eat there about once a week. Especially when it's cold, throat-scaldingly-hot egg drop soup always sounds good, and, due to a difference of opinion with the vending machine regarding whether it should actually dispense the bag of popcorn I paid for (it won), I didn't have any lunch. So, traipsed off to China Gate. Dinner time, rather than lunch, so it would be more expensive, and as today's the day before payday and I had wasted two dollars on trying to get food from the vending machine, I was a bit low on cash. No matter. That's what credit cards are for, and I had enough cash to leave a tip at the table.

Realized, when I'd already eaten, that I left my wallet on my desk this morning - after all, what was I going to need it for? Moment of total panic. Imagined trying to explain the situation, tried to imagine what possible guarantee I could give that I would pay. Counted my money; I had all but forty-nine cents of the bill in my pocket. Checked my coat, and came up with a handful of silver change - sixty-five cents. Debated leaving the three nickels I didn't need to pay the bill as a pathetic attempt at a tip, but thought it might be more insulting than a total failure to tip and was in any case feeling completely embarrassed. Gathered up my stuff, paid, fled.

[This is me, not telling you about my bourgeois tart of a roommate who claims that I and my best friend do not tip because we don't respect the working class, and why she's wrong on all counts, and I never liked her anyway, and she has stupid hair.]

Classes attended today: 1
Classes slept in: 1
Hours at work: 4
Hours spent working: 4 (all of them on the scanner, producing pdf's for a single course page. We love you too, Professor.)
Younger brothers feedbacked: 1, and I was as nice as I possibly could be.
dira: Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier (Default)
So, we're going to skip straight over the homework angst and the fic-writing paranoia, and get straight to the Deep Thought.

What's slashy?

I'm not really confident in my ability to make a valid judgement on slashiness, but there are things that I think qualify, and, for me, they're generally *not* connected to anything I'd want to read or write slash about. This includes but is not limited to: nearly every interaction between Winters and Nixon in Band of Brothers the last twenty minutes of Jaws, which is the only part of the movie I've seen, from Richard Dreyfus going into the cage until they paddle off into the sunset, and, maybe, but I'm not sure about this, Catch Me if You Can, pretty much the whole part of the plot involving Frank and Carl's interaction.

And let me just say again: I don't mean, by that, that I think the relationship portrayed is a sexual or romantic one, and I don't want to read, or write, or even really think about the characters getting it on (especially not Winters and Nixon, because, okay, popstar RPS is one thing, but, dude, no).

So what *do* I mean? I mean it pushes my guy/guy buttons, makes me go Awwww and feel all warm and fuzzy. I think, sadly, that it boils down to pretty much any instance of two guys sharing caring/affection/tenderness (Or: Why Spy Game is a Touching Love Story, No, Really, I Mean It). I think my brain equates it partially to slash because those behaviors aren't typical between your average macho het guys. Which doesn't mean the guys who do it aren't het, I tell my brain, it means they're not locked into rigid homophobic gender roles, and that's *good*, and you should be impressed by their ability to be straight in a way that nonetheless allows them to care about other guys, not assume that their ability to do so makes them automatically a little bit gay. I think. Right?

The question is complicated by me and my best friend, who, I realized a few weeks ago, are slashy. If we were guys, and we behaved the way we do, we'd be really, really slashy. I think the effect is muted by our being female: affection doesn't stand out so much on women, because we're supposed to be all nurturing, but the fact remains that we come off like the other kind of girlfriends, most of the time.

So. I don't know what any of that means, and I'd go on to talk about why slash, and why guys, and stuff like that, but I have to get dressed and go to class and learn about snowstorms and not think about the fact that, hey, I didn't turn in that project. Good things I carry Tums in my backpack. Silly stomach.


Mar. 5th, 2003 12:37 am
dira: Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier (Default)
Stomach hurts, tired but lying awake obsessively composing lj and paper journal entries regarding fic-writing paranoias and etc.

Probably shouldn't have blown off the weather folklore assignment/project. Am feeling like a bad person because of being a bad student. Also, cruising for insomnia. If I'm still awake at four a.m., I'll fake something up for the assignment, try for partial credit. And probably post some of those paranoid ramblings, too.

Now that I'm properly motivated to get to sleep...

Chewable antacids consumed: 2
Hours til alarm goes off: 7.5


dira: Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier (Default)
Dira Sudis

April 2019

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